Things between K and I were never meant to be. He doesn't do relationships. It was just supposed to be a fling before he went travelling round South East Asia and then moved back to another UK county. But then I found out I was pregnant. We've been through a lot over the last 10 moths getting to know each other. We do have a lot in common, although we do clash in many ways. There is a big age difference, but it's not really a problem unless one of us makes it.
I've realised though that while he does love me, and he does care about me, he's not in love with me and doesn't want a relationship. He does sometimes say what he thinks I want to hear, yet I wish he'd just tell the truth as things always backfire and blow up into arguments.
I struggle still to understand where I stand with him. He says we're in a relationship because we've got a child together, but not a “relationship”. We do everything as a couple. Tomorrow night he'll be coming up, cooking for me, we'll watch a DVD together, then he'll give me a hug and a kiss goodnight and we'll sleep in separate beds. We do occasionally sleep together, but I let him initiate that as I got fed up of the rejection.
Living only in the present, I'm very happy with the relationship we do have. I've got a very good friend, and a wonderful father to my daughter. I do wish he showed me more affection, and I wish he'd show more appreciation for me, but that's more to do with his personality than our relationship.
But thinking about the future, I'm really scared. I know that one day he'll meet someone else, whether she'll be just a fling or something more serious, I don't know. But I do know it'll break my heart. I try not to think about it and enjoy what we have, but I know that one day someone's going to take that from me.
Part of me wants to back off a bit now, but another part of me wants me to enjoy what I have while I have it.
I also feel that I deserve to be with someone who shows me love, shows me affection and appreciates me.
Hm, I don't know you or K so this is JUST based on what you've written:
ReplyDeleteLife is too short to cling to something because you have a child together/just bought a house together/whatever. You should never feel you have to stay with someone because of that. You should stay with someone if that is what you truly want and truly feel. And the same goes for him. You can still be great friends, have a great relationship and I think you'd be both much happier if you'd admitted to each other your true feelings.
You're longing for love and affection but you're not getting it. He's on the other end of the spectrum. If he were just a really close friend and you could find and immerse yourself in a real relationship then you'd both benefit from it and so would your babe.
But as I said, I base this on what you said in this one post. And things are easier said than done.
All the best, whatever happens.
Nev
Thanks. I know it's true what you're saying, and it has got a lot easier, but I still see him 4 or 5 days a week and acts like my husband :/ It'll be easier when he gets another job!!
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